Tanner, you meant the world to me and so many others. You truly understood how most of us all felt. From a sadness that is indescribable, to the joy of success that we all chase after. Even now, while I’m writing this out, I cannot believe that you’re gone. I’ve found myself thinking about you, the experiences we shared, the emotions we discussed, and anything under the stars. You cleverly could come up with the most fitting nicknames for people, cars, or even pets. It never ceased to amaze me just how intelligent and witty you were. Sitting here in my room alone, which I’m sure you’ve done countless times, the thoughts of you continue to fill my mind. All of it. The brilliant times we had and the dreadful feelings that would appear when I couldn’t get through to you. I was extremely emotional about some crummy 40 dollars the last time I saw you. It affected my judgement and I didn’t decide to try and see you after getting to see the greatest band you ever showed me, Manchester Orchestra. I can’t apologize now, and I can’t get that time back. However, I know that you would forgive me, as you would so often do. I know that we had some of the most indescribable adventures together. You were the only one that could put a smile on my face after a horrible day of drowning in my own thoughts. You once told me that I was one of the only people that really understood you, but I feel like I didn’t. Especially now, knowing you’ve gone to a different place, away from all the sadness, hatred, and turmoil. I feel as though I couldn’t quite reach you…I won’t let that get in the way of my life. I know you’d want me to continue my journey to success, that you’ll still be here for me even if you’re not on this Earth. Everything I’ve said aside, you had a wonderful gift of being able to locate beauty. Through writing, music, movies, and most importantly, people. You could see through it all and find the most fascinating details about anything or anyone. I just wish you could have seen what I, and everyone around you, saw. You are a magnificent soul. We will always hold our memories of you close to our hearts. Move forward, wherever you are, with the knowledge that we love you, we hope you’re finally able to feel what you’ve been wanting to feel. I’d like to tell you to rest in peace, but you’ve done enough resting here on Earth. Go and experience the happiness you couldn’t have.
Crying my eyes out, I cling to a quote that I heard from the movie “Wish I was Here,” “Nothing in life will call upon us to be more courageous than facing the fact that it ends. But on the other side of heartbreak is wisdom.” This really resonated with me and I hope we all move forward with the wisdom of moving on, no matter what. Tanner, I hope you found what you were looking for, until we see each other again.
~Fellow, cadet, Shrimp Boat Cpt, and loving friend, Raistlin